The Sales Apprentice 2009: Sales training tips from the hit TV show, episode I
“For me, making money is better than sex!”
And so the first of the “brightest and the best” from all over the UK opened the 2009 UK Apprentice. No wonder our economy is in such a state…
Second up, some open necked girl (Anita – see later), with her nose stuck in the air, walking through the tube, “I am outstanding. It’s a given.” Oh dear, why I am watching this compulsive car crash TV again? Will we get any outstanding business talent this year or is it another year where the best we have to look forward to are ego maniac statements, reverse pterodactyl impressions and momentous business cock ups?
Phillip in Geordie accent, “You don’t have to make friends on the way up when you’re not coming back down.” Sound like famous last words to me.
Chosen from thousands of applicants, these are the 16 that some researcher with not a clue about real business at the BBC has chosen, more than likely for our viewing pleasure rather than their business acumen. But surely the contestants know that? Maybe not, listening to them…
Cliche after cliché rolls from their mouths (e.g. “In business you play to win”) and then the biggest cliché of the lot, Sir Alan, is back on our screens, “You didn’t sell, you didn’t sell and you didn’t sell” he barks, pointing his finger at some poor loser in some future episode. “First prize you get to work for me, second prize don’t exist”, he continues.
Will there be sales training and business lessons to be learned this year? Will we get sales training tips and strategies from the show? Probably not from the Apprentices themselves, that’s for sure! But from our analysis, I am sure we will.
Sitting outside the board room for the first time, the Apprentices are silent, perhaps for the last time in twelve weeks. Cue Sir Alan…
“Good morning ladies and gentleman. Welcome to my board room.” Sir Alan introduces himself to the group and tells them that one of the boys group has already “bottled it” and has not shown up for the programme. That’s the kind of decision that I am sure many of these Apprenti might look back on in years to come and wish that they’d made!
“I know the words to Candle in the Wind; don’t make me Elton John” quips Sir Alan. “I’m as hard to play as a Stradivarius and you lot are as easy to play as bongo drums.” More David Brent than big business man this year then. I reckon Sir Alan has been spending his winter nights between last year and this thinking these sayings up. “Trust me, you’re going to be under extreme pressure” he says.
And then, the first task…
“I started my business from nothing… I always dirtied my hands… This first task is all about clean… You go out there and you clean things… The team that comes back here with the highest profit wins.” As usual, first task is split up girls versus boys with silver fox Nick stalking (?) the girls and Margaret, the boys. “Don’t underestimate these two, they’re dead sharp” says Sir Alan, pushing his puppet master buttons for them to both nod in agreement. Sharp in this company maybe…
On the way to the first task, the boys introduce themselves to each other in the car. Some cocky teacher says, in his smooth Rochdale accent, that he loves the sound of his own voice. I just hope that our government didn’t see fit to let this clown take leave with permission to go back when he’s failed…
“I look the part, I talk posh and I look posh” he continues… Err right, deluded as well then. It’s shaping up to be even more X-Factor this year. But I do know a school for him, Waterloo Road anyone?
Meanwhile, the girls are bigging themselves up…
“I am a Commercial Development & Strategy Manager but I’m actually a trained lawyer” nods one girl (Anita again), imperiously. And there, my friends, is the problem with our economy…
Their first job is to come up with a team name and the American is the first to start talking about marketing and brand names. When will these muppets realize that this is all about selling. They are not building a lasting brand. They will be doing things for one day. No-one cares what the name of the company is that cleans their car or their shoes if they are never going to see them again. Ideas above their station as my mother used to say whenever my sister or I got above ourselves. Who cares what your stupid teams are called?
Despite thinking it important they showed the originality of a very uncreative person without a creative bone in their body…
Strike and Carpe Diem suggested the boys… original then. Empire suggested another, jingoistically. The others agreed and that’s was their name. Ignite, decided the girls. Oh dear.
Howard Ebison is the boy’s manager. “What is our objective?” he asks. Err, make money I think Howard. Meanwhile the girls are struggling to elect a leader but eventually pick Mona.
Sales training thoughts: This is a straight forward sales task and they have one day only. The key to it is to define your market fast, locate it fast and get working fast. It does not get more simple than this…
But as usual both teams get bogged down in talking about what they’re going to do and making a hash of ordering supplies. The problem with the Apprenti is that they all like talking about how good they are but none of them actually want to do very much…
15 ego maniacs + 1 task = MAYHEM
Half of the boys arrive at a mini-cab office to pitch to clean some cars that are going to the auction house. The boys offer £17 per unit and the manager says he is already paying £17.50 so they are not doing him any great favours but they can have the job if they will do it for £15. “Will you do £16?” asks one of the boys and the client agrees then quickly sneaking in a last minute concession, “We will only pay for the cars that we’re happy with…”
It’s now 1130am and the girls arrive at a limousine company in West London. Yasmina, a finance director, heads up to lead the negotiations. £300 she offers confidently for cleaning 3 stretch Hummers only to be informed that the prospect is currently paying only £60 for all three. “We’re here right now, we’re ready to go, we want to tie the deal and get on with this” says one of the girls adding that they’re not desperate. Au contraire, I think you are; you’ve driven out there, you have nothing else planned and if this client does not say “Yeah” you have wasted so much time.
Meanwhile, the other girls are looking at classic cars in North London and have agreed to clean the cars for £10 per car. Eventually the girls at the other venue agree a price of £40 per Hummer and Mona says, “It’s done by women not stinky men”… (Ed: !”£$&^£*&!) “I didn’t want him to think we were desperate” she said. Bit late when you’re all standing there with the sponges in your hands Mona.
130pm and Howard and the boys with him are polishing shoes at St. Pancras station. The other boys are having their cleaning work on the cars torn apart. Howard decides to join the car cleaning team and finish the cars together. Geordie Phillip, who has done nothing but moan about Howard, “Sometimes too many cooks spoil the broth… I’d love to see Howard clean a car”. He’s never met this bloke before and he had done nothing but snipe. He continues that Howard is looking for a fall guy. This chap is a moaner.
Sales training tip: Watch out for sales terrorists in your business who focus everyone on the negative things and undermine your business. In today’s turbulent economy you cannot afford to have negativity like this in your teams.
“Never before have so few cars been washed by so many people in so much time” says Margaret, coming out with a line that sums up the whole of this first episode for me.
Meanwhile, both of the girls’ teams have gone proactive, flagging down cars and knocking on doors. “Imagine if we had done this all day, we would have made a killing” says one. Err, yes. You would. This task was about getting going fast and neither team managed to do that.
In the boardroom they all look dead beat. Sir Alan said, “I’m sorry. You lot look exhausted. If you cannot show more energy than this after one day’s honest work you’re unemployable. You’re all sacked.”
Now that would have been TV. But back with what actually happened…
The girls’ team, Ignite made £357 and spent £196. Profit £160.55
The boys’ team, Empire made £347 and spent £107.39. Profit just over £239.
The boys won with a pathetic per head profit of £34 per head.
Sales training thought… If I gave you a sponge and a bucket and 8 hours how much money do you think you could make cleaning cars? If you stood on a busy road junction in London and cleaned windscreens every time the lights changed and you made only £1 every 6 minutes you would make £80. This figure is, as it has been on the Apprentice many times before, is frankly pathetic. I know boy scouts who do better than this. It was a simple task and with all of their “leadership wanabe” they managed to make it very, very complicated…
Back in the board room Sir Alan concluded that the girls failed because they spent too much money. He asked who was responsible for the business plan? One of the girls said that no-one was made responsible for any particular tasks. Mona said that they wasted too much time as if, as team leader, she was not ultimately responsible. But then, if you look at the examples set in politics and big business these days, when exactly does anyone take responsibility for their errors? So how do we expect these media savvy Apprenti to behave any differently?
Mona decided to bring back Debra and Anita for no particular reason other than no-one really knew what had gone on. The girls argued. Sir Alan listened for 30 minutes and concluded that he had no idea either!
“Mona, you’ve shown me a bit of spirit, you’ve not shown me any business acumen. Anita you was on the back of that van, you was seeing the money flow out. Debra, at the end of the day you are seriously responsible for a lot things that went wrong on this task. My gut instinct is telling me something Anita. You put yourself forward as one of Britain’s best business prospects. You showed no initiative as far as I’m concerned in spotting that you were going for a disaster and on that basis, Anita, you’re fired.”
So much for grandiose titles then. Sales success is about results not titles.
Anita in the cab, “I’m bitterly disappointed but I accept that it was not a stellar performance.”
… Humility?…
“I just think that Sir Alan doesn’t particularly like lawyers”
…probably not then…
“Let see if in 10 years time he doesn’t sit and think “Hmm maybe I made the wrong decision””
…Ah, that’s better!
But, seriously Anita, surely even you can’t think that he will ever give you another thought?
So another first show and another set of Apprenti. Who will the stars be? Who will make the biggest business mistakes? Who will we learn the most from – whether from what they do well or what they do badly? What sales training tips will we pick up?
My top 5 sales training and business tips from tonight’s show…
1. Know what you sell.
They all spent far too long making everything too complicated when this was a simple task of cleaning something and pocketing the readies. It was always going to be a time based task in which they wanted as many people working on as profitable tasks as possible for as long a time as possible. As inexperienced cleaners, I would have avoided car showrooms as they are too high end and require too much of a quality clean and would have targeted the public who would not have been as discerning. For sure, they may have been able to make more per car the way they did it but they could not guarantee the numbers or the delivery quality,
2. Know the best route to market.
Time = money in this task and they needed to locate clients faster and spend more time cleaning. Period. Sometimes you just have to get your head down and get on with it. I have watched those windscreen cleaners rub a dirty cloth across car windows in West London and make £3/4 on EVERY light change. It may not be a long term business venture but this task was all about maximizing cash in and minimizing cash out.
3. Under promise over deliver.
Both teams failed to deliver satisfactorily and did not clean some of the cars sufficiently well. In the girls’ team, this cost them 10 cars which the client would then not agree for them to clean and this ultimately lost them the competition. In the boys’ team, they lost time and money. Delivering on your promises is essential in any business. This lot talked a good game but then did not knuckle down and do the job well. Sales superstars always give 100%.
4. Watch your costs.
Many business people spend too much on the wrong things at the wrong time. In today’s economy, sales are vital but we also need to manage unnecessary costs. Over spending on stock lost the girls this round.
5. Watch your mouth.
Anita mouthed off and got shot down. Top sales performers perform, they don’t talk about performing. Sales is not about what you say you’re going to do, it’s about what you actually deliver on. Sales is about results.
It will be a few weeks until we really get to grips with these new Apprenti but why not post your thoughts, comments and opinions below?
More sales training videos and articles due later this week. In the meantime, sell with passion.
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Glad you stuck around to post this Gavin!
I missed this evening’s episode but got a VERY clear picture from reading your summary/critique.
Whilst I don’t know that they would have made £1 every 6 minutes – some Brits are pretty mean, I totally get your idea of keeping it simple. We could do lines of “simple” cliches I’m sure – “simplicty is key,” “keep it simple,” “the simple things in life …” and yet here they are, making things complex because they have something to prove.
Perhaps Sir Alan ought to get a group of 10yr olds next time and see what innovation they come up with. I think we might all learn from their lessons as the seek to get the task done rather than impress the viewers.
Looking forward to next week’s!
Trish
Trish
It would be so much fun to see how a group of 10 year olds performed wouldn’t it?! And I think you’re right about them focusing on the tasks in hand but without ego… Maybe some researcher will suggest that and it will turn up one day.
Decided I couldn’t not write it last night but it did make it a late on before the Raising the Bar event today.
On Point 2, sometimes you don’t know the “best route to market”. I would suggest that it can be a case of trial and error.
Jeremy
Of course, you are right. If you don’t have a guide or a map to follow then sometimes you have to improvise and correct your course rapidly as you are going. My point in relation to this group was that they really didn’t get going, always seeming todo things the complicated way. One of the groups had only cleaned one car 3 hours into the task, that’s clearly not the best route to market.
One day when I was quite young a friend and I decided to knock doors and clean cars and we did 6 in 3 hours… That would have been a heck of a headstart on the efforts of last night! Many of the Apprentices make the mistake of trying to “show” how clever they are rather than getting on with a job that just does not require that much cleverness. Sometimes, things really are that simple!
Don’t you find that many salespeople do that too? Sitting around making things complicated when their best bet would be to just pick up the phone, or make the call, or attend that networking event…
The bit that had us viewing through our fingers was Mona telling the guy at the stretch limo place that she didn’t believe he could get the cars cleaned for £20 each, and he must be wrong! The guy thought she was joking and smiled – but she wasn’t.
Also, the more this show goes on, the less useful I think it is that the boardroom scenes are such a blamefest. This is giving people exactly the wrong message about what business, especially successful business, involves.
Andy
Totally agree with you about the boardroom farce. The girls last night were just rowing. I was quite surprised that Sir Alan put up with it for as long as he did!
Mona with the limo guy was the embodiment of someone only interested in her side of the “negotiation”. You’re quite right that she told him he must be wrong about the price, appalling.
She also kept stating her personal situation as if this should influence him i.e. When she was saying “well we’re here now” or words to that affect, she meant so you might as well pay us our asking price. She was so stuck in her own argument and the fact that they were already there that she couldn’t see the irony that this should actually be his argument … “You’re already here so you may as well do it at a discount rather than have a wasted journey!”
Hi All, have to say felt sad and shortchanged.What a bunch!!! These people are just not the quality of the first two series.
Tha women come across as….. well words fail me,looks like they have been picked for reasons other than business acumen.
Also the places where they did their business ,looked set ups to me.I said to my wife the minicab company will be ……….. (not giving them a plug) they love the publicity.
In all honesty i thought the whole thing was nonsense, such a shame.
Perhaps if the girls had spent less time thinking of a name for their team they would have had time to make a couple of calls and figure out what the going rate was for cleaning cars. We also saw this last time around with the £5000 quote for £200-worth of hotel laundry.
I suspect if the TV cameras hadn’t been there they might have been asked to leave on the strength of that initial offer. How could they possibly have known what to spend in the warehouse with no idea on sale price and turnover? What could be more basic than profit and loss?
For my money shoe shining was a far better bet. Fast, simple and cheap to provide.
Tom.