Cold calling howlers, Gavin’s kitchen nightmares!

Last Friday I was working from home for the day. I had spent the last three days delivering two of my favourite sales seminars, No Fear Cold Calling and Professional Selling Skills, in Manchester, Nottingham and Birmingham. I was working on my forthcoming book No Fear Cold Calling and was determined to not be disturbed when my home phone rang.

After a sip of tea I decided to answer the phone just incase it was someone from my family or one of my friends. It wasn’t, it was a cold call.

Salesperson: “Hello. This is so and so from Blag & Bodgit Kitchens, how are you today?

Me: “OK.” (This is such a lame question. I don’t believe he means it! “How convenient is it to speak?” is much more polite.)

Salesperson: “We want to locate a few houses in your area so that we can redesign their kitchens and use them as show kitchens. Would you be interested?”

Me: “Maybe.” (I am currently looking to redesign the kitchen but, despite the fact that I will speak to 3 people from this company, they will never find this out! Questions are the critical piece of selling not telling).

Salesperson: “OK. Would you be prepared to take another call from a sales consultant at a later stage but I cannot say whether you will get a call back or not?”

Me: “Yes, whatever.” (Bizarre! They go to the effort of cold calling me and then arrange to maybe call me back at a non-specified time on a non-specified date in the future, maybe. What a waste of resource!)

But this kitchen company must have been eating their lucky beans because, amazingly, last night I was at home for the first time in a week and the phone rang again. Thinking it was most probably my sister calling about meeting up with my nieces over the weekend I answered it.

I was quite surprised to hear that it was Blag & Bodgit again and possibly the most frightened cold caller I have ever heard in my life. He also sounded about 12 years old. I actually felt sorry for him!

Salesperson: “Hello. I am calling from Blag & Bodgit Kitchens, one one one of my co-colleagues ra-rang you la-last week and sa-said someone m-might call you back.”

Me: “Yes.”

Salesperson: “H-how are you?”

Me: “Fine.” (Oh, come on!)

Salesperson: “Ok. Well we-we s-sell kitchens and we would like to t-talk to you about yours.”

Me: “Yes.” (What about reminding me of the call last week? I might have forgotten)

Salesperson: “H-how old is your house?”

Me: 5 years.

Salesperson: “How long have you lived there?”

Me: “5 years.”

Salesperson: “Wh-who owns the house?”

Me: “Me.”

Salesperson: “With anyone else?”

Me: “No, all mine.”

Salesperson: “Are you interested in h-having one of our s-sales consultants come out to you to see you and discuss wh-what we can do with your k-kitchen?”

Me: “Yes, that would be intersting.” (Not much of a buying signal there then!)

Salesperson: “Are you available tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes, I am working from home actually.” (The easiest close ever)

Salesperson: “Great. Can I arrange for a sales consultant to come around at 3pm, no obligation?”

Me: “Yes.” (And it’s closed. Or so you would think.)

Salesperson: “OK. Can you just hold a minute? I need to put you on to my boss.”

Me: “OK.” (Why?)

Sales manager: “Hello. This is Mr. Daft Sales Manager calling from Blag & Bodgit Kitchens. How are you?”

Me: S-i-l-e-n-c-e. (About the same as I was about 5 minutes ago mate and you’re going to have to make this good now!)

Sales manager: “Uummm. I understand that you would like to see one of our consultants tomorrow afternoon at 3pm.”

Me: “Yes.”

Sales manager: “Is it just you there tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes.”

Sales manager: “Are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Sales manager: “Do you have a partner?”

Me: “Yes.”

Sales manager: “Will she be there?”

Me: “No.”

Sales manager: “Ah. We like both partners to be there. When else can you do?”

Me: “That could be difficult, one or the other of us is usually away.” (And this is my house as I told your monkey and it is also totally my decision. I feel like I have been interrogated. This is not how questioning should be done!)

Sales manager: “We would need to see both of you.”

Me: “Really.” (Losing patience now. Ok, so it’s fair to assume that husband / wife, boyfriend / girlfriend, fiancées or partners, make decisions together but you ought to ask more questions not just assume it. This assumption is about to lose Blag & Bodgit a prospective kitchen because they will not get through the door again.)

Sales manager: “Yes.”

Me: “Could be weeks.”

Sales manager: “When?”

Me: “Call me back when I get back off holiday in 4 weeks.”

Sales manager: “OK. What day?”

Me: “I have no idea. You’ll have to try me.”

Sales manager: “OK.”

Me: “Bye.” (They are now going to waste even more time trying to get hold of me whilst I am going to pick up the Yellow Pages and buy my kitchen elsewhere.)

Some companies are better trained than others. Some salespeople have more cold calling experience than others. But this particular company clearly makes cold calling people in their homes a crucial part of their sales operation and as such should not be burning opportunities like this.

There is a whole school of thought that argues that cold calling is a waste of time. If it was all done like this I am sure this would be true!

Fortunately, having trained thousands of salespeople, business owners and entrepreneurs in many different industries, and watched them set up meetings, close sales and dramatically increase their sales results using proven cold calling techniques, I know this to be untrue.

If you can get in the right state of mind, warm your calls up through correct planning, remove the aggression and stress present in most cold calls, centre your call around your prospect and demonstrate genuine interest, then cold calling can dramatically boost your sales results and help you to trounce your competition.

Why not share the worst / best cold call anyone ever made to you below?